BADLY DRAWN MATCH REPORT #12 MANCHESTER UNITED vs EVERTON

Old Trafford welcomed some special guests, Wild Boars FC, the Thai team that was trapped in the cave.

Over the course of the season Old Trafford has been a pretty welcoming place for opponents with United winning just twice at home in all competitions prior to kick-off

However United tried to play on the front foot & after a few decent chances were presented a great opportunity to take the lead after Idrissa Gueye fouled the rejuvenated philosopher Anthony Martial in the penalty box.

Paul Pogba took his time taking the penalty. To the layperson his effort was saved by Jordan Pickford before he tucked away the rebound but to the deluded eye the Frenchman played a magnificent one-two with England's first choice GK, much to Mike Parry's annoyance.

At half-time United went in a goal to the good which prompted the most unlikely event in football history, Graeme Souness praising Paul Pogba. The only logical conclusions are that we've reached the end of days or living in an alternate timeline.

Pogba & Martial linked up in the second half to put United 2-0 ahead. Martial curled in a fine effort, so good in fact that it is permissible to attach the word "aplomb" to describe the finish.

There was a chance to really runaway with the game but Utd being Utd decided to take a different route. Chris Smalling celebrating his 300th appearance for the club tried to save Paul Pogba's blushes after the Frenchman gave away possession. Mike gave away a penalty.

United hung on though to earn a welcome three points. Everyone was relieved except for one individual who, let's say, is stuck in his own special cave.